Let us hope that our forwards are faster than cheetahs on greased lighting, and that the Mexican, Uruguayan and French defenders are slower that a turtle swimming through peanut butter! Now that would be Ayoba!
But one way or another, late on July 11, the sound of the last vuvuzela will fade into the Highveld night and the World Cup will be over. And then what, Minister? Will we have, as you once stated, indeed taken this once-in- a-lifetime chance to showcase the best we have as a tourism destination?
The fact is, the evidence is mixed, and much remains to be done. While our stadiums and airports are world-class, many of our heritage sites and national monuments are a disgrace. In Gauteng, the Heroes Acre is vandalised; while the Air Force monument is half broken down for scrap metal. The state of our monuments in Resistance and Congella Parks in eThekwini shames the legacy of the heroes commemorated there.
The Paraguayan team hosted in uMngeni will have to negotiate monstrous potholes and metre-high weeds on the verges. They will feel more at home when they encounter the local roadside forests of bugweed, a South American plant, but what will they make of the overpowering piles of rubbish on every street corner on the Mpophomeni Tourism experience?
Mbombela, on the other hand, has seized the opportunity to build its brand image. The city seems ready for 2010, with football fountains and landmarks such as the "Eye of Nelspruit" poised to give tourists "Africa's Warmest Welcome". Nelspruit's main tourist attraction, the botanical gardens of Mpumalanga, is tourist friendly and in impeccable condition.
Similarly, the major attractions of North West province - Sun City, the Pilanesberg Nature Reserve, Kruger House in Rustenburg and Kgaswane Mountain Reserve - are well maintained.
By contrast, the Nelson Mandela Metro is in a filthy state, in the wake of a 13-day municipal strike. The historical legacy of this 1820 settler city has been further blighted by the neglect, often beyond repair, of its irreplaceable colonial architecture, such as Duncan Street terrace, and Canterbury and Victoria Houses.
It is instructive to compare Pietermaritzburg with Adelaide, South Australia. Both are British colonial in character and layout, and were founded within two years of each other, in 1838 and 1836 respectively. But while Adelaide is spotless, with pedestrian malls including golf carts for the elderly, the KwaZulu-Natal provincial capital has been driven into the ground and into bankruptcy.
To avoid the filth, piles of uncollected rubbish and crime, Pietermaritzburg Tourism is forced to ask tour operators to avoid the city centre, which contains the finest Victorian architecture in the southern hemisphere.
While SA Airways has brought some of their prices more in line with competitors, ticket prices are still around triple that of other airlines the day before the Cape Town semi-final and significantly more the day before the World Cup final itself. This continues to damage our brand as a value-for-money destination.
I quote these examples, Minister, to reiterate the interdependency of tourism with other departments. In many instances, dysfunctional local government, Public Enterprises and Arts and Culture are undermining SA Tourism's stated key priority to ensure South Africa's tourism-readiness for the World Cup.
Others have made positive contributions. The Southern Africa Tourism Services Association, Satsa, has assisted in streamlining air-land interfaces to ease flows in peak times on behalf of prebooked groups not adequately catered for, and has teamed up with the Airports Company of SA, Acsa, to maximise kerbside flow. SAA will supply the first seat available if you have a ticket. Seventy-four percent of hospitality providers are charging reasonable prices, assisted by the Rooms4u portal of the Federated Hospitality Association of SA, Fedhasa.
Estimates of foreign arrivals have declined from the original 410 000 to Grant Thornton's recent forecast of 373 000 arrivals. It may not be the worst thing in the world to have slightly fewer fans than originally estimated, as this will better ensure a memorable experience rather than an event characterised by possibly gridlocked traffic.
Television and radio, both on and off the pitch, will broadcast not just the World Cup to a cumulative audience of between 26 and 38 billion people, but also their experiences and impressions of our country. Whether we address the remaining challenges that have been sketched above and seize this unparalleled opportunity to rebrand our country for the benefit of all our people remains in our hands, but action is needed this day. There is not a moment to lose. I thank you, Chairperson. [Applause.]