Hon Speaker, I heard a conversation in the House yesterday that went something like this, "She insults us for five years, then, with a smile and no further thought, she thinks she can become one of us." Now, who could they have been referring to? It was Harold Wilson who was famously quoted as saying, "A week in politics is a long time." That was back in the 1960s. I think most of us may be tempted to make that a day or even an hour.
What stayed in my mind was, however, the word "insults". As we know - and saw today - often these words fly around the House, usually leaving the one doing the insulting looking smaller in everyone's eyes. So, I wondered what we would say to each other if we were back in the day when insults said in the English language had a little more class, before the days of four- letter words, etc.
Let me start with the ACDP. Winston Churchill might have said, "They have all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." But then, of course, we could have said the same about him, too. We know the FF Plus has a sense of humour, so I will interrupt my train of thought with a story about my sister's grandson. On his first day of school not so long ago, he told the teacher: "My father is Afrikaans, and my mother is normal." [Laughter.] Yes, good! I also found that funny!
This is something that MPs can all identify with, because we have the privilege of being sought out by people who insist that we read or hear every thought that crossed their minds throughout their entire lives. If we were Moses Hadas, we could genuinely say to them, thank you for sending me a copy of your book, I'll waste no time reading it.
Andrew Lang could have insulted us all so nicely with these words he spoke in the 1800s, "They use statistics as a drunken man uses a lamp post - for support rather than illumination." [Laughter.] Oscar Wilde is a personal favourite of mine and this is probably how most politicians feel at party listing time. But I am thinking of hon Lekota right now, I am not sure why. Wilde said, "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." [Laughter.]
Because we become addicted to people, even obnoxious and insulting ones, this is definitely what the ANC members will say when some of the DA members do not return, "I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." [Laughter.]
If the hon Watson had given as horrendous a farewell speech this year as he did last year, I was determined to quote Samuel Johnson, who said, "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." [Laughter.] But after your singing at hon Skosana's memorial service, all is forgiven.
I know from where I sit that the ANC has a great sense of humour, but I am not keen to test whether they are up to laughing at themselves just yet. So, I will pick on the Minister of Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries. She doesn't listen anyway. [Laughter.] Walter Kerr puts it like this, "She had delusions of adequacy. Fortunately - and I must say this - she is the exception and not the rule." So that I do not suffer serious self-doubt over the lack of laughter on that particular comment, I will quote myself, "I have a great sense of humour; it is just different to everyone else's." [Laughter.]
Hon Kenneth Meshoe, hon Steve Swart and I - you may have noticed - expect to be back here very soon, so we're not being as sentimental about this farewell as we might otherwise have been.
You know we love you all and really appreciate everything you have brought to our lives, the good, the bad and the amazing. I could single out so many people who have impacted my life, but it would not be fair to my colleagues as they will not get the chance to do the same. I will just say that so many of you, like hon Ben Turok, have been my teachers and mentors, though you may not have any idea that you were. Others have been like brothers and sisters, especially those who have seriously given me a hard time. I have loved you all and I hope I have stretched you a little, too.
To the officials and staff of Parliament, we thank you sincerely for all you have done to assist us in our work. You are a blessing and we are grateful for you.
Finally, I hope these words of Oscar Wilde will never be said about any of us, "Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go." [Laughter.]
The ACPD is working hard and praying for a peaceful 2014 election. I am praying for grace and a heightened sense of humour for us all. God be with you till we meet again. Thank you. [Applause.]